Sooner: year one

The following is a transcription of a letter I sent to Richard Ramirez, The Night Stalker, this morning.

March 15, 2004

Richard Ramirez
San Quentin Penetentiary
San Quentin, CA 94974

Dear Mr. Ramirez,

Have you ever seen the HBO prison drama, Oz? In case you haven't, on that show the inmates have nicknamed drugs "tits." So they're always talking about tits, and the guards are like doo doo doo. The inmates are talking about boobies again. But really the inmates are talking about drugs.

Anyway, in your prison do you call drugs tits? And if so did you personally consult with the producers of Oz about this issue? And if not, what do they call drugs in your prison? Hopefully they don't call them drugs or else the guards would be all shitty to you and throw you in the hole and stuff when you talk about drugs. But if they do call them drugs then you can start calling them tits and start a whole new trend and everyone in your prison will want to be you and start dressing like you and when you come into the caffeteria everyone will sort of hunker their heads down and start whispering and that would be totally rad.

Also, I read on the internet that you got married in 1996. I'm sorry I didn't write to congratulate you sooner, but I didn't have your address until I got it from Benrick, so it's not really my fault.

Take Care,
Brian

Today is a day of compliments. I'm supposed to see if flattery can get me somewhere.