Sooner: year one

As was widely pointed out, avoiding all sources of electromagnetic energy was simply impossible. So I decided that I would put at least five feet between me and any external sources of electro magnetic energy.

This was particularly difficult because It meant walking down the middle of the room to avoid the lamps and the outlets. It meant no cell phone, in fact no phone calls of any kind because I was staying with my parents and they did not have a speaker phone that I could distance myself from. Finally I just went out in the back yard with the dog and we played a game of fetch and napped happily in the hammock.

Explaining why I was not sleeping indoors last night was particularly difficult, but we all managed to get through it.

Today I will learn to recognize the aliens among us.

The odds against you finding this blog and reading it are so astronomical that I simply cannot find any reason to write anything of significance.

Today I will avoid all sources of electromagnetic energy

I already have a will, that class in law school on estates and trusts totally scares you into being prepared, and though this may be a cop out, I need only make the following changes at this time.

To my friend April I leave my copy of Benrick and all physical paraphanalia associated with or obtained by me as a result of Benricking, including any intellectual property.

To my friend Peth I leave any pornographic material I may possess at the time of my death, as I know she will know how to put it to good use.

To my friend Bevin I leave my little blue Eagle with the expectation that she will set it on fire and host a party in which all in attendance roast marshmallows over it.

To my friend Zanti I leave my pudding wrasslin' pit, the same pit in which we first met.

Today I will experience a little cosmic humility.

"Um, Brian?"

"Yeah."

"Um, I'm almost afraid to ask."

"'Bout what?"

"What is that in your mouth there?"

"A potato."

"A potato?"

"Yes, a potato."

"What are you doing with a potato in your mouth?"

"I'm sucking on it."

"You're sucking on it?"

"Yes, I'm sucking on a potato."

"Oh. I see."

"Yeah."

"Hey, Brian?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you sucking on that potato?"

"Well, if I tell you it's for Benrick will you want a complete answer?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it is for Benrick."

"Ah."

"Yep."

"Ok. Tell me what Benrick has you doing today."

"I'm inventing a new way to peel potatoes."

"Peel potatoes?"

"Yep. Peel potatoes."

"And so you're sucking on them."

"Well, just one."

"Just one?"

"Yeah, just one potato."

"To peel it?"

"Yes. I'm trying to see how long it will take for my mouth juices to soften and dissolve the skin or in the alternative to loosen it and permit me to sort of flake it off using the pad of my thumb."

"Oh."

"It's a new way to peel potatoes."

"I see."

"It is very time consuming, but it requires very little work."

"Oh."

"And once you get used to the starchy taste it's actually quite meditative."

"Really?"

"Yes. It is my hope that I will revolutionalize potato peeling with this new method."

"Uh-huh."

"I mean just imagine 40 or 50 people sucking on potatoes on your morning commute. Standing on line at the bank. Walking the dog at the park."

"Oh."

"There's never a bad time to suck a potato."

"I'd like you not to suck potatoes at the reference desk ever again, ok?"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But it's only for today and it's for a good cause."

"What cause?"

"I'm trying to change my life radical style."

"Brian, now I'm serious."

"Really?"

"Yes. Don't suck potatoes out here. In fact don't suck potatoes in the library. Anywhere in the library."

"What?"

"That's right. We've got a new policy."

"That's outrageous. This is just a potato and this is just my mouth. It's totally natural."

"Nevertheless, we have a stict no potato sucking policy now and I will be strictly enforcing the strict no potato sucking policy. It just looks obscene, Brian. Honestly."

"Fine."

"I've got my eye on you."

For the record, it takes about 3 hours to suck the skin off of a medium sized potato.

Today I will be writing my will.

Note: I am leaving tomorrow for a short vacation to visit my parents. I will certainly still be Benricking, but for the next week or so posting may be erratic. I appreciate your patience.

So today's Benrick is fairly evil. But not fun-evil; just evil. The Bangladeshi Taka is currently trading at 58 tk to 1 US dollar. The Benrick task today was to buy 100 Bangladeshi Takas and then on December 31 at 4:55 p.m. Bangladeshi time everyone who's Benricking was supposed to sell them back. This would have the cumulative effect of flooding the market with Takas causing the value of the Taka to plummet.

So, against my better judgment, I invested in the Taka. I had to contact the Bangladeshi Foreign Exchange--in Bangladesh which is not a local call--and with fees and what not this entire endeavor cost me about 10US plus the toll charges.

I'm told I will not receive currency in the mail, but I will receive information on my investor's account and periodic statements. I hope they're in English.

Today I will invent a new way to peel potatoes.

I woke up yesterday morning ready for a little screaming. I mean, who doesn't need a good scream every once in a while. So I got up and put on my bathrobe. I ventured down stairs and stood on my street corner and just let loose with a good loud primal scream.

There was no response from my neighbors except for a muffled "shut up" from somewhere across the street.

I think every other day should be primal scream day.

Today I am helping to collapse a currency.

I sport a 15 inch bicep. According to Benrick this makes me a real man.

Today is primal scream day.


Day 87 Bonus: From Lipitor - for listening pleasures.