Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Report: Day 91 

"Um, Brian?"


"Um, I'm almost afraid to ask."

"'Bout what?"

"What is that in your mouth there?"

"A potato."

"A potato?"

"Yes, a potato."

"What are you doing with a potato in your mouth?"

"I'm sucking on it."

"You're sucking on it?"

"Yes, I'm sucking on a potato."

"Oh. I see."


"Hey, Brian?"


"Why are you sucking on that potato?"

"Well, if I tell you it's for Benrick will you want a complete answer?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it is for Benrick."



"Ok. Tell me what Benrick has you doing today."

"I'm inventing a new way to peel potatoes."

"Peel potatoes?"

"Yep. Peel potatoes."

"And so you're sucking on them."

"Well, just one."

"Just one?"

"Yeah, just one potato."

"To peel it?"

"Yes. I'm trying to see how long it will take for my mouth juices to soften and dissolve the skin or in the alternative to loosen it and permit me to sort of flake it off using the pad of my thumb."


"It's a new way to peel potatoes."

"I see."

"It is very time consuming, but it requires very little work."


"And once you get used to the starchy taste it's actually quite meditative."


"Yes. It is my hope that I will revolutionalize potato peeling with this new method."


"I mean just imagine 40 or 50 people sucking on potatoes on your morning commute. Standing on line at the bank. Walking the dog at the park."


"There's never a bad time to suck a potato."

"I'd like you not to suck potatoes at the reference desk ever again, ok?"



"But it's only for today and it's for a good cause."

"What cause?"

"I'm trying to change my life radical style."

"Brian, now I'm serious."


"Yes. Don't suck potatoes out here. In fact don't suck potatoes in the library. Anywhere in the library."


"That's right. We've got a new policy."

"That's outrageous. This is just a potato and this is just my mouth. It's totally natural."

"Nevertheless, we have a stict no potato sucking policy now and I will be strictly enforcing the strict no potato sucking policy. It just looks obscene, Brian. Honestly."


"I've got my eye on you."

For the record, it takes about 3 hours to suck the skin off of a medium sized potato.

Today I will be writing my will.

Note: I am leaving tomorrow for a short vacation to visit my parents. I will certainly still be Benricking, but for the next week or so posting may be erratic. I appreciate your patience.

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