Friday, July 23, 2004

Report: Day 133 

Yesterday Morning I removed one key, a key I didn't think I was likely to use, from my key ring.  This brought the total number of keys in my pocket to an even dozen--my lucky number.

What misfortunes did I narrowly escape?  I'll never know. 

Today I will hack into a computer network.


Thursday, July 22, 2004

Report: Day 132 

Invent a new color?  I hate to break it to Benrick, but this is not possible.  Unless I invent new eyes that can see electromagnetic energy outside of the currently visible spectrum.  So instead, I decided to join the ranks of the Diaryland Order of the Yellow Nights and Days of Georg.  DOOTY NADOG for short.  Please consult the above link for details. 

I'd been meaning to join DOOTY NADOG for some time, but Georg hadn't visited me with greetz to remind me, so I'd been very negligent.  But just last week Sooner: Year One received it's first greetz from Austria and a heart felt request for me to stay creative and inspiration struck. 

In order to join DOOTY NADOG when Georg has spammed your guestbook you must leave him a message in his guestbook using the word yellow or any of its cognates and then notify Zaziel of the action.  Yesterday I left the following for Georg. 

(21. 7. 2004)
Internet: www.andromeda.rutgers.edu/~blaho

Oh, G. May I call you G? Oh, G. First off, Greetz from New Jersey, USA. Second, let's get something straight. I will try to stay creative, G. I will. But I need something in exchange. Please send me a sallow haired house boy in his twenties from the Austrian mountains who will do the cleaning up around my place and will require regular sex with me and the occasional meal as his only payment. I find that cleaning up after my own filthy ass and the extensive efforts I make to bed canary-haired Austrians drain my creative energies and take time away from my freaky creative endeavors. It's a social contract, G. You take care of my needs and I'll stay creative just for you. Third, this is an awesome site and it's great to be here.

I have been duely named Sir Sooner and given permission to display the DOOTY NADOG logo you see to the right.  Not exactly inventing a color, but it's certainly yellow. 

Today I will acknowledge my lucky number which Benrick has determined is 12. 

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Report: Day 131 

This was dicy as I had to defy heirarchy without getting fired.  So today I asked everyone I ran into who falls in the institutional heirarchy above me to do me a favor.

Hey, bring me some scrap paper, would ya?

Will you hold this door for me?

Do you mind filling this up?

It was very liberating.

Today I will invent a new colour.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Report: Day 129 

Benrick's specific direction was to assess my blessing's scientifically, so that involved another Benrick quiz.  For each listed blessing there was a score to go along with it.  Once I'd tallied my score I found out my level of blessing.  I reproduce the quiz for you here so you can play along.  The first number are the points for having that blessing, the second is my total.
Are you alive?  10/10
Are you in good health?  9/9
Do you have a partner?  7/0
Do you have regular sex? 6/0
Do you have children?  3 per child/0
Do you have a roof over your head? 5/5
Can you feed yourself and your family?  5/5
Do you have a steady job? 3/3
Are you free from racial or sexual discrimination?  5/5
Is your country currently at peace?  6/0
Is your country well away from any geological fault lines?  6/0
Are your parents still alive?  4/4
Are you still on speaking terms with them? 4/4
Have you found God?  3/0
Have you found yourself?  2/2
Are your bowel movements regular? 8/8
Were you born into one of the richer social classes?  5/0
Are you a born optimist?  6/0
Are you a born pessimist?  -6/-6
Do you have a sense of humor?  +1 if you said yes, +4 if you said no/1
Sooner's Total = 50. 
According to Benrick if you score more than 40 points you are luckier than 90% of the human race.  I'm scientifically very blessed.
Today I will write a letter to a local newspaper. 

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Report: Say 128 

I wish I could have tried a mangosteen as was suggested by the charming and witty and often hairless Zaziel.  However, my local market did not carry such an interesting and tempting fruit.   Instead I bought two fruits I'd never tried before.  The peppino and the kiwano.  Then I invited Bevin and Haywood over to try them with me. 
First the Kiwano.   Also known as the African Horned Mellon, which is particularly unusual as it originates from New Zealand.  It is a very dramatic fruit as this image indicates.  We sliced it open and instantly Haywood was out.  "Um, I'm not eating that.  No offense." 
Bevin and I were a tad more adventurous.  We took spoons and dug in.  The look of the fruit was deceptively pulpy, when in fact all our spoons could take away was the gelatenous sac around each seed.  It felt like snot in my mouth, but tasted remarkably like cucumber.  It wasn't all unpleasant, but it wasn't something I would ever eat again.  Bevin reported liking the tartness of the fruit.  This is a review of the Kiwano that I very much agree with.  However, I can't imaging spending time reviewing fruit when not Benricking. 
Second, I tried a peppino fruit, which I have been unable to find a photo of.  It was about the size of a small plum and egg shaped.  It's skin was ivory with purple stripes running throughout.  It smelled wonderful.  Vaguely tropical like artificially scented sun tan lotion.  However, it also tasted like artificially scented sun tan lotion.  The flesh was firm and had a nice bite but the flavor  of ass filled my mouth and I was none too pleased.  Neither was Bevin.  Haywood, appearantly not as put off by the appearance of the Peppino, nevertheless declied to taste it, especially after I reacted so badly.
Today I will count my blessings.

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