Thursday, March 18, 2004

Report: Day 15 

Be-Straight-for-a-Day day happened to fall on St. Patrick's Day which was perfect as far as I was concerned because it gave me good reason to go out and be straight in the wide world. So when the glamorous Bevin asked if I wanted to hang out I jumped at the chance.

That is not to say that I was only straight in the evening hours. I was straight all day long. For example about midway through the day I called one of my co-workers over to me with a little come hither finger action. "What do you want?" she yelled from across the library.

"I want you to come here," I said. "Get your ass over here when I call you."

When she was finally close enough she had the audacity to complain. "Listen, I'm really busy right now, ok? I don't have time for Life Changing foolishness."

"Aw, Baby," I said. "You don't have to do me that way. I just wanted to pay you a compliment anyhow. I wanted to tell you that you look so tight today. I mean, I saw you walk through that door and I just said to myself, fuck! That bitch is hawt! Damn! Even if she is a librarian, she's all-up-in-there kinda hawt!"

This morning I will have to attempt to convince her not to file charges by claiming it's a misunderstanding.

The straight shenanigans didn't stop with sexual harassment. Certainly not. I was very careful to high five as many people as I could all day long.

"Oh! We found a primary source! High five!"

"It's lunch time! High five!"

"Your shoelace is untied! High five!"

So when the glamorous Bevin arrived I think she was a little thrown off by the high fiving, but it didn't stop her from playing along. We had a hang in the city which included the acquisition of green apple incense to high five over. And we were a little confused by the fact that 4th and 10th have an intersection, but we just high fived about it anyway.

Then we had Tasti-D-Lite and talked about Sex and the City before I even realized how unstraight that was, but it was ok because then we decided that I could be a metrosexual and not lose any of my life changing progress. Once I really understood this I insisted that we high five.

Today I am subtly giving everyone the finger.

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