Friday, March 19, 2004

Report: Day 16 

"Law library. Reference." I cradled the phone in my left hand. My middle finger was stretched to full length against the receiver and my other fingers were curled under on either side. I used the pad of my middle finger to press the receiver to my head and I physically turned so that the urine soaked freak who had been pestering me to give him legal advice was looking right at my fingernail.

"Brian, it's me," it was one of the other librarians, my immediate supervisor. "Listen, that guy you're talking to is one of the library's biggest problem patrons. He will press you to do his research for him, to give him legal advice."

"Oh?" I acknowledged. I grabbed the mouse with my right hand and used my outstreched middle finger to click a Netscape window closed.

"Yes, he is. Really, and I'm being totally serious here, it has everything to do with whether he's taken hs medicine or not. Some encounters are better than others. Anyway, don't be afraid to send him back here to me if he gives you too much of a problem."

"Oh, thank you," I said. I looked at him and rubbed the corner of my eye with my middle finger. "I'm sure that won't be necessary."

"Well, I'm here to back you up if it gets a little crazy."

"That's good to know, I appreciate that." I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose with my middle finger. "Listen, I have a patron right here so if it's alright let's talk about this later."

I hung up the phone and looked at the wacko on the other side of the reference desk. "Where were we?" I asked. "Oh, I remember. I was showing you--again--how to use the digest." I took the book from him and opened it about half way through. Then I touched the pad of my middle finger to my tongue and used it to flip a few pages.

Yesterday was a really great day.

Today I'm to eat only asparagus with the express intent of noting exactly what this does to the smell of my urine.

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