Friday, March 26, 2004

Report: Day 23 

Yesterday I was to make a no obligation appointment with a plastic surgeon and see what he recommends. This proved more difficult than I imagined. None of the surgeons I contacted could fit me on the same day, so I decided to approach the day's activity from a different perspective.

"Doctor Slasher's office."

"Hello, is this Doctor Slasher's office?"

"Yes, this is Doctor Slasher's office."

"Doctor Slasher the plastic surgeon?"

"Yes. The plastic surgeon."

"Good, because I need some work done."

"I see. What type of procedure were you interested in speaking to the doctor about?"

"I want to talk to him about becoming a midget."



"Hello, I'm still here. Did you say you want to 'become a midget?'"


"Well, I don't know if Doctor Slasher can help you with that. I think you need to contact an orthopod."

"Look, it's just that I'm just sick and tired of being so tall, you know? There has to be something the doctor can do for me. Something to at least give me the impression of midgetry. How about a forehead implant."


"You know. A forehead implant. I need to make my head look disproportionately large in comparison to my body. You know, to achieve an aire of midgetism."

"I don't really think we can help you."

"Look, how about finger shortening. I want my digits shortened so that it looks like I was born with one of those cute little adorable midget paws."

"Thanks for calling. Good luck."

Then she hung up the phone. Benrick has reduced me to prank calls. But when one is seeking to change one's life "radical style" one cannot question the process. Right?

Today is barter day.

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