Monday, April 05, 2004

Report: Day 33 

Yesterday I was to be aware of the paranormal. Benrick specifically stated that I was to be aware of unexplained smells. Let me just say that I live in New Jersey, and if unexplained smells are attributable to the paranormal then I live in the epicenter of a shit-storm of creepy crap. I spent the morning sniffing the air like a hound on the hunt. I was completely inundated by unexplained smells and probing into each of them seemed like such a daunting task that I quickly gave up.

But as luck would have it, I share my apartment with a ghost. A ghost I have named Intraferon the Mighty! Intraferon the Mighty manifests himself by turning a floor lamp on and off in my living room. We live quite well together. I prefer reading in bed, so while the light in the living room is nice, it is not, strictly speaking, a necessity. I do not try to exorcise him or interfere with his light switch fetish, and he leaves my other appliances alone. It's a commonality, you see. A harmony.

Well, anyway, I decided that I would attempt to make contact with Intraferon the Mighty last night so I pulled the floor lamp out into the middle of the floor and I lit some incense and a candle too. And then I assumed the lotus position and closed my eyes and started thinking about Intraferon the Mighty and all his might and whatnot. Pretty soon, the kitties started going crazy, well crazier than normal, and I started to feel like maybe Intraferon the Mighty was present.

"Intraferon the Mighty," I said, "Make yourself known to me. Manifest through an unexplained smell!"

But there were no smells. In fact, with all the flying cutlery and spinning sofas and flashing lights I barely had time to register any smells at all. Perhaps next time Intraferon the Mighty will be more accommodating.

Today I am supposed to write a letter to a dictator asking him to "stop the torture."

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