Sooner: year one

The following is a transcription of a letter I posted this morning.

Prime Minister Tony Blair
c/o the Prime Minister's Office
10 Downing Street
London SW1A 2AA
UNITED KINGDOM

April 12, 2004

Dear Prime Minister,

I am writing to you today in brief application for a knighthood. I am not a citizen of the U.K., but as I understand it knighthoods may still be granted to U.S. citizens, though we may not use the title "Sir." I am comfortable with this and believe the honor of being knighted would be enough for me. Though, I must admit that since I cannot use the title I will probably wear an eight by ten photograph of the event around my neck at all times following the ceremony. But don't hold me to that because I'm still working out how best to publicize my getting knighted.

Anyways, I believe I have earned this honor because I totally rock. Just ask anybody who knows me. They all think I rock the Kasbah, if you know what I'm saying. And in exchange for a knighthood, I'm willing to use my coolness, my rock-on-itude, my swooper-fly-ity to benefit you in anyway I can. I'll help you prepare for Prime Minister's Questions by running you through a few toughies, or I could help you with the vetting of those intelligence reports, or I could babysit. Whatever, man. What I'm trying to say is that I'm there for you. I got your back.

So think it over and get back to me. But don't take too long, the Queen's birthday is coming right up and I'd like to get this taken care of this year. I'm sure you understand. Having something like this hanging over your head is a real drag.

Ok, well, I gotta jet.

Reverently,
Brian Blaho

Today I'm supposed to walk on the grass barefoot.