Thursday, April 22, 2004

Report: Day 50 

Benrick suggested I draw attention to myself by wearing a crown or carrying a midget around under my arm (I wish!) or wearing unusual clothing. But I'm sitting at a desk next to a box of candy on account of it being National Libraries Week so I have been catching the eye of everyone who comes to the library without any effort at all. So I decided that I would make people notice me by making outrageous claims throughout the day. A typical conversation went something like this.


"Excuse me. Hello? Excuse me, sir."


"Did you know that in the basement right now they are preparing a 35 pound quiche?"


"It's true. Better run down and get your slice before it's all gone! Run now. Run."


"How is your exam preparation coming?"

"Oh, pretty well. I'm nervous about my seminar."

"I know that feeling. When I was in law school my lowest grade came from my seminar. Professor Patterson's The Law of Jell-O Wrestling."


"Yeah, I got a C- which came as a total shock to me because I'd spent the entire semester doing practical research at Dominic's in Evesham. I was there, like, three times a week. Sometimes more."

"Where did you go to law school?"

"The University of Guam. They have a correspondence program."


"Can you tell me where the restroom is?"

"Well, I could, but it would do you little good."


"The nearest restroom is through that hall on the left, but this morning there was a manufacturer's recall and the toilets have been removed. For safety."


"Yeah. Truth be told, I'd rather be safe than sorry when I've got my pants around my ankles, if you know what I mean and I think you do."

"So what happens if you need to use the restroom?"

"Well, I've been telling the guys that they can use the gaping hole in the floor where the stools used to be if they have good aim."

"I'm a girl."

"Yeah, so you should probably use the Port-a-Johns out on the lawn."

"This is outrageous!"

"Yeah, I know. It's like where does all that money for tuition go? But one thing I'm really glad about is that safety is number one here. I mean, the instant that recall notice arrived all the pots were yanked and now we're just waiting on a special delivery from the Home Depot to get us up and running again."

Today is senseless day.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?