Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Report: Day 56 

Oh, gentle reader, yesterday there was much air guitar. And head banging. And two fingers in the air, the pinky and index. I was so heavy metal all day long.

Bevin didn't agree. "Brian, I read an article on the punk rock societal enclave and as I've mentioned before punk rock and heavy metal are closely related. Metal isn't so much into revolution, they're more into money. But the bones are the same, Brian. The underlying heart of punk and metal are the same and believe me when I tell you that you have not yet had a true metal experience."

"Well, Bevin, what should I do?"

"Hold on, Brian, I'm coming right over. I'm going to make sure you have a metal experience."

So Bevin came over and she was totally punkcore. She was even wearing her Bitch & Animal tube socks. "Alright, Brian," she said. "Let's go. Get in the car. It's time to rock!"

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To the mall."

"The mall?"

"Yeah, I want to buy some shoes."

So I got in Bevin's car and she played the soundtrack to "A Mighty Wind" which she said was just like metal "unplugged" and that it had a hard core rock vibe to it. Before we went to the mall we stopped at Michael's to get some pink glitter.

"Bevin," I said, "I'm not sure exactly how, you know, rock and roll the craft store is. I'm worried that this might not be very, you know, heavy metal."

"Oh, Brian," said an exasperated Bevin as she rolled her eyes. "This is the kind of place that true rockers, those truly in the lifestyle, come to when they need to get supplies to make themselves look all punk or metal or whatever. This place is so punk rock you won't even be able to stand it! I know, because I read that article as I have already mentioned. Now, go see if you can find puff paint for fabric. It should be back there in the sewing section. Past the bobbins. Go on, now. And don't forget to bang your head while you look. Pink puff paint, Brian. Pink."

When we finally got to the mall I had a key made and bought some shoelaces. Then we went to a place called Torrid to look for pink and black shoes for bevin to dance in. She tried on several pair, each more wonderful than the last. "What do you think about these, Brian?" she asked. "I particularly like that they are patent leather and have a sweet bow on the end of the velcro strap."

"Well, Bevin, I thought we were going to have a heavy metal experience. I don't think rockers spend their evenings shopping for platform sneakers. I'm just uncertain that this is the way it's done."

"Brian, which of us read the article?"

"You did."

"And therefore, which of us knows more about rocking than the other?"

"Well, you do."

"Right. I do. So, therfore, vis a vis, you need to start trusting me a little more and doubting me a little less. Believe me, Brian. Shoe shopping is totally metal appropriate. I mean have you ever seen a band go onstage barefoot? No, you haven't. And why is that? It's becase they go shoe shoppi--OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THESE CAPRIS! Brian, do you think I could wear these with like a really formal top and nice shoes while I'm being a lawyer? I mean, do you think these can be dressed up enough for work?"

We picked out some pink platform sneakers, though we agreed that the ones with the bows were too pale so we settled on the ones with the stars. And Bevin found a pair of matching star covered boots that were total must haves.

"Bevin, I'm still a little uncertain about all this. Am I really having a metal experience? I mean, I'm sitting outside of a dressing room in the mall holding your purse."

"Oh, Brian. This is so metal. I'd even say this was metalcore."

I took her word for it.

Today I'm supposed to eat food that scares me.

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