Friday, May 21, 2004

Report: Day 72 

Oy! Another prank call.

"Peary Elementary School."

"Ms. Hicks please."


"Ms. Hicks. The kindergarten teacher."

"Our kindergarten teacher is not named Ms. Hicks. Who is this please?"

"Damn. I was afraid of that. My name is Brian Blaho and I'm a former student of Ms. Hicks. I was hoping she'd still be there."

"Oh, how nice. No, we have a new kindergarten teacher now. How long ago were you a student here?"

"Well, I only attended kindergarten there and that was 25-26 years ago."


"Yeah. Anyway, may I speak to the principal?"

"Sir, Mr. Blaho, what is this in regard to?"

"I lost a rattle when I was five and I'm trying to track it down. I spent some serious time at Peary around the May Pole and what not so I thought it might still be there. In storage or something."


"Do you have a lost and found?"

"Sir, we have nothing more than a few months old in the lost and found."

"Look, I've been in therapy trying to overcome some serious shit, ok? And I've only just recovered the memory of my rattle and I really, really need to locate it. It's important. To my mental health. And you people have it. I know you do. My last memory of the rattle is around the finger painting station in Ms. Hicks classroom and I want it back."

"Sir, there's nothing I can do."

"That's bullshit. Can't you just look? Can you just run down the hall and look for it? It's blue with stars and moons in yellow. Painted tin or aluminum."

"Sir, we don't have it. It would have been donated to charity long long ago."

"You know what's wrong with you mother fuckers? You have no respect for personal proerty. How the hell am I going to move forward in therapy now? How will I ever get closure?"

"Sir, I'm disconnecting this call because of your swearing."

Today I will get a hobby.

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