Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Report: Day 124 

My task was to teach a parrot to say the unpalatable truth. However, I have no parrot. I thought briefly about acquiring one, but after a little research I learned that parrots live to be like 80 or something and you ought to have a great big cage for them or they get cramped and the commitment just seemed altogether too life changing.

Plus I have kitties and they are vicious hunters and they would eat my thousand dollar bird without thinking twice. It's the way of my kitties.

So I decided to use the next best thing: The One True Love of my Life.

"E-----, baby. Come here." She dutifuly obeyed. "Listen, I've got a dicy situation that I need you to take care of for me."

"Ok. What's her problem?" The One True Love of My Life never gets her pronouns right.

"You know Jezebelle? The cleaning lady?"

"I know him."

"Her feet stink, E-----. Phew! Stink-o-Rama!"

"Oh, that's just see he's Mexican."

"E-----, that's right. She is Mexican, and her feet smell."

"Oh, yes."

"Well, the problem is that I don't know how to tell her to wash her damn socks. It's a problem, E-----. Do you think you could help me out?"

Later in the day jezebelle came up to me very upset. "Do you know what that crazy Korean just said to me?"

"No," I lied.

"She told me my feet stink! Have you ever?!"

"Well, you know she's a lunatic. And that's why I love her so."

Today I am taking my horoscope seriously.

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